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LGTBQ characters of color on television are steadily increasing, especially on television, where 47 percent of all regular characters on broadcast scripted TV series are people of color, a three percent increase and a record high, according to a new report released by GLAAD. In addition, and for the second year in a row, the report titled “GLAAD we’re on TV” confirmed that LGBTQ characters of color are outnumbering their White counterparts, representing 52 percent compared to 48 percent. GLAAD had challenged all platforms–broadcast, cable, and streaming–to make at least half of LGBTQ characters on each platform be people of color, within the next two years.  

“Last year, GLAAD called on the television industry to increase the number of LGBTQ characters and more accurately reflect the world we live in, and they responded by exceeding this challenge,” Sarah Kate Ellis, president and CEO of GLAAD told Deadline in an article published today (November 8). “At a time when the cultural climate is growing increasingly divisive, increased representation of LGBTQ stories and characters on television is especially critical to advance LGBTQ acceptance. Shows like ‘Pose,’ ‘Schitt’s Creek,’ ‘Batwoman’ and ‘Billions’ demonstrate that not only are LGBTQ stories and characters on TV becoming more diverse, but that viewers everywhere continue to respond with extreme positivity.”

The report emphasized the importance of TV watchers having access to diversity by noting that The Public Religion Research Institute found that less than 25 percent of Americans have a close friend or family member who is transgender, which means that much of what’s learned comes from what they see in media and on their screens. “This is why the historic casting of Brian Michael Smith as Paul Strickland–primetime scripted broadcast TV’s first Black, transgender man series regular character–on FOX’s mid-season drama ‘9-1-1: Lone Star’ is so important,” said the study.

Additional key findings from the report:

• When it comes to racial diversity, of the 120 regular characters on broadcast, 52 percent are people of color, a two-percentage point increase from last year with six more characters. This marks the second year in a row where LGBTQ people of color have outnumbered White LGBTQ people on broadcast, making broadcast the only platform to meet the goal of having at least half of LGBTQ characters be characters of color.

• Another record-high percentage was with Latinx characters, up one percent to nine. Black series characters held steady at 22 percent, while Asian Pacific Islanders represented eight percent across broadcast television regular characters. 

• On the cable and streaming side, diversity is moving a bit slower: Cable has 48 percent who represent characters of color–up two percentage points from last year–whereas streaming has shown 41 percent people of color, a seven percentage point drop from last year. 

Source: https://www.colorlines.com/

Foster care and adoption agencies will soon be able to legally refuse their services to families in the LGBTQ+ community if a new rule put forth by the Trump administration goes into effect. 

On Friday (November 1), the United States Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) proposed a rule that would reverse a 2016 discrimination regulation that included sexual orientation and gender identity as protected classes. Per the HHS:

The proposed rule represents the Trump administration’s strong commitment to the rule of law—the Constitution, federal statutes and Supreme Court decisions. These require that the federal government not infringe on religious freedom in its operation of HHS grant programs and address the impact of regulatory actions on small entities.

White House Deputy Press Secretary Judd Deere told The Hill in an interview: “The administration is rolling back an Obama-era rule that was proposed in the 12 o’clock hour of the last administration that jeopardizes the ability of faith-based providers to continue serving their communities. The federal government should not be in the business of forcing child welfare providers to choose between helping children and their faith.”

The majority of the more than 400,000 children in the foster care system are people of color, according to a 2017 report, with 23 percent of them identified as Black, 21 percent as Latinx and 9 percent listed as “other races/multiracial.”

Reports The New York Times:

The Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law estimated in a report that 114,000 same-sex couples in 2016 were raising children in the United States. Same-sex couples with children were far more likely than different-sex couples with children to have an adopted child, 21.4 percent versus 3 percent, the report found.

Alphonso David, president of Human Rights Campaign, called the proposal “horrific” in a statement and also said it would “permit discrimination across the entire spectrum of HHS programs receiving federal funding. The Trump-Pence White House is relying on the same flawed legal reasoning they’ve used in the past to justify discrimination against LGBTQ people and other communities.”

The rule is expected to be published in the Federal Register on Monday (November 4), after which there will be a 30-day comment period and an effective date for the rule unless a legal challenge halts implementation.

Source: https://www.colorlines.com/

Actor and comedian Mo’Nique filed a lawsuit against Netflix over race and gender discrimination in a Los Angeles court on Thursday (November 14), The Hollywood Reporter reported. “Netflix courted Mo’Nique, saw what she had to offer and made her an offer. But the offer Netflix made Mo’Nique wreaked of discrimination; it perpetuated the pay gap suffered by Black women,” notes the suit. 

The performer is suing the streaming company for racial and gender discrimination over the $500,000 offer she received to do a stand-up special. In the suit, Mo’Nique compares her offer to what other comedians were reportedly paid: Jerry Seinfeld ($100 million), Eddie Murphy ($70 million), Dave Chappelle ($60 million), Chris Rock ($40 million), Ellen DeGeneres ($20 million), Jeff Dunham ($16.5 million) and Ricky Gervais ($40 million). The 38-page suit also includes headshots of seven Netflix executives, all White, as visual support for the company’s “complete lack of racial diversity.”

“In short, as this lawsuit shows, Netflix’s treatment of Mo’Nique began with a discriminatory low-ball offer and ended with a blacklisting act of retaliation,” states the complaint. Netflix told THR that its offer to Mo’Nique was fair and that it will fight the lawsuit.

Source: https://www.colorlines.com/

Stand-up comedian Margaret Cho isn’t one to back down from a controversial topic, and her appearance on the latest episode of Daily Beast’s podcast The Last Laugh, which aired Tuesday (November 19), is right on brand. She talks about the new opportunities available to Asian-American comedians, Dave Chappelle’s criticism of the bisexual community, Shane Gillis’ firing from SNL for racist comments and the backlash she received for exaggerating a North Korean character at the 2015 Golden Globes. 

Cho broke boundaries in 1994 when she starred in the ABC sitcom “All-American Girl,” the first and only sitcom to center an Asian American family until “Fresh off the Boat” debuted 20 years later. But she never had the opportunity to write or produce that her White male counterparts enjoyed. “They never opened that door for me, I would have had to force it open and I just didn’t know. I didn’t know of any other Asian-American comedians who I could ask,” said Cho. “I just didn’t have the knowledge or capacity to know I should demand that.” But now that doors are opening, Cho said she’s hopeful. “I would love to see more and I have seen some more, but I think there’s still some way to go in terms of diversity.”

Source: https://www.colorlines.com/

It has been 30 years since the United States signed the United Nation’s Convention on the Rights of the Child, a human rights treaty meant to protect children around the globe. In honor of this anniversary, a U.N. human rights expert was in Geneva on Monday (November 18) to discuss a new study on the current treatment of children around the world, NPR reports. In it, the author writes that the United States is guilty of “inhuman treatment for both the parents and the children.”

Manfred Nowak, a human rights lawyer based in Vienna, Austria, wrote “Global Study on Children Deprived of Liberty,” which says the Trump administration’s family separation policy is “absolutely prohibited” by the Convention on the Rights of the Child. The study was commissioned in October 2016.

“And there are still quite a number of children that are separated from their parents—and neither the children know where the parents are, nor the parents know where the children are. So that is something that definitely should not happen again,” Nowak said during his remarks, per NPR.

The study “estimates that the U.S. is still holding more than 100,000 children in migration-related detention,” NPR reports. Nowak added in his speech, “That’s far more than all the other countries where we have reliable figures.” In fact, he said the U.S. incarcerates more children than anywhere else in the world:

“In general, the incarceration rate in the United States is very high also of adults, and that you see also with children. So it’s about 60 out of 100,000” children, Nowak said. “And that is the highest that we could find, followed by others like Bolivia, or Botswana, or Sri Lanka….”In general,” Nowak said, “the North American region is the one with the by far highest regional imprisonment rate of children.”

As NPR reports, the U.S. signed but never ratified the Convention on the Rights of the Child, which means the convention’s rules “do not formally apply to the United States of America.” However, Nowak still believes the country should be held accountable for its atrocities thanks to other civil rights treaties.

“In my opinion, the way, how they were separating infants from the families only in order to deter irregular migration from Central America to the United States of America, for me, constitutes inhuman and degrading treatment, and that is absolutely prohibited” by those other international treaties, he said.

“I am deeply convinced that these are violations of international law,” Nowak said. He added, “The same is also true for the high number of children being deprived of liberty in the administration of justice” in the U.S.

Nowak emphasized the importance of valuing children in his talk. “Children should live, or grow up, in families—their own families, foster families, family-type settings,” he said, “and not in institutions where they’re in fact deprived of liberty, where there’s strict discipline, there’s a lot of violence. There’s no love.”

Source: https://www.colorlines.com/

Throughout history, black women have faced the uphill battles of both racial and gender biases, especially in male-dominated STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) fields. Even so, many overcome their adverse circumstances, making invaluable contributions to the scientific community, particularly in the United States Space Program. The issue, however, is that the contributions these brilliant pioneers made largely went unnoticed.

NASA scientists including Katherine Johnson, Dorothy Vaughan and Mary Jackson began to get some overdue credit, however, when author Margot Lee Shetterly released her 2016 tome, Hidden Figures: The American Dream and the Untold Story of the Black Women Who Helped Win the Space Race. 

A film adaptation with the shortened title, Hidden Figures, hit theaters the same year to great acclaim, earning three Oscar nominations, including one for Best Picture.

These works told the stories of the women of color largely hired by the National Advisory Committee for Aeronautics (NACA, later NASA) during World War II to work as “human computers,” manually crunching numbers, filling the many vacancies left by those fighting the war overseas. 

President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a 1941 executive order into law that prohibited racial, religious and ethnic discrimination in the country’s defense injury, thus paving the way for these “hidden figures’” advancements. While there are no official numbers on how many women filled these roles over the years, experts have estimated there were several hundred over the years. (Shetterly’s estimate was in the thousands.)

Of course, black women’s contributions aren’t limited to NASA. Here are 10 of the women who used their brains to skyrocket to the top of their fields.

Katherine Johnson

 

Katherine Johnson poses for a portrait at work at NASA Langley Research Center in 1966

Photo: NASA/Donaldson Collection/Getty Images

Neil Armstrong's "one small step for man" may not have happened without this woman. Just weeks after Katherine Johnson began a position as one of Langley Research Center's human computers in 1952, supervisors transferred the summa cum laude West Virginia State College graduate (with degrees in both mathematics and French) from the African-American computing pool to the flight research division. There, Johnson performed the NASA calculations that made possible the manned space missions of the early 1960s as well as the 1969 moon landing.

Even astronaut John Glenn put his full faith in Johnson, requesting she re-do all-electronic computer calculations before he embarked on his 1962 Earth orbits. Glenn has been quoted as remarking, “If she says they’re good, then I’m ready to go.”

Aside from earning a 2015 Presidential Medal of Freedom, Johnson was portrayed by actress Taraji P. Henson in 2016's Hidden Figures.

Dorothy Vaughan

 

Dorothy Vaughan (l) in 1950

Photo: Smith Collection/Gado/Getty Images

Also a central part of Hidden Figures (in which was played by actress Octavia Spencer), Dorothy Vaughan left her position as a high school math teacher for a "temporary war job" in Langley's all-black group of female mathematicians known as the West Area Computing Unit in 1949. During what would become a nearly decade-long career, Vaughan became NASA's first African-American manager, eventually heading up the West Area Computing Unit.

An expert in NASA's programming coding language known as FORTRAN, she worked on the SCOUT (Solid Controlled Orbital Utility Test) Launch Vehicle Program that put America’s first satellites into space. Before her retirement from NASA in 1971, she also worked closely with Johnson on the computations for Glenn's orbital space missions.

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Mary Jackson

 

Mary Jackson poses for a photo at work at NASA Langley Research Center in 1977

Photo: Bob Nye/NASA/Donaldson Collection/Getty Images

Mary Jackson began working under Vaughan's supervision in the segregated West Area Computing section as a computer in 1951. After two years in that role, the former teacher (who was portrayed in Hidden Figures by actress and musician Janelle Monae) transitioned to working for engineer Kazimierz Czarnecki on wind tunnel experiments.

At Czarnecki's urging, she took engineering classes, and, after being promoted to aeronautical engineer in 1958, Jackson officially became NASA’s first black female engineer. After helping develop the space program throughout her successful career (during which she authored or co-authored about 12 research reports), the Virginia native took a demotion to fill the role of Langley’s Federal Women’s Program Manager. In that position, she devoted her time to helping other women find STEM jobs at NASA.

Dr. Gladys West

 

Dr. Gladys West at her induction into the Air Force Space and Missile Pioneers Hall of Fame at the Pentagon in Washington, D.C. on December 6, 2018.

Photo: Adrian Cadiz

When Gladys West was inducted into the Air Force Space and Missile Pioneers Hall of Fame in December 2018, the organization hailed her as the hidden figure whose mathematical work lead to the invention of the Global Positioning System (GPS). In 1956, she began working at the U.S. Naval Weapons Laboratory and helped produce a study that proved the regularity of Pluto’s motion relative to Neptune.

Also while at U.S. Naval Weapons Laboratory, she programmed an IBM 7030 “Stretch” computer that delivered refined calculations for an “extremely accurate geodetic Earth model, a geoid, optimized” for what would eventually become known as GPS.

Dr. Mae Jemison

 

Mae Jemison

Photo: SSPL/Getty Images

Mae Jemison was a woman with many firsts to her credit. She was working in the medical field as a General Practitioner and attending graduate engineering classes in Los Angeles when NASA admitted her to its astronaut training program in June 1987. After more than a year of training, she became the first African-American woman astronaut, holding the title of science mission specialist.

On September 12, 1992, Jemison, along with six other astronauts, launched into space aboard the Endeavour, and with that earned the distinction of the first African-American woman in space as well. During her eight-day mission, Jemison conducted experiments on weightlessness and motion sickness. Prior to her career as an astronaut, she also acted as a Peace Corps medical officer for Sierra Leone and Liberia.

Dr. Shirley Jackson

 

Dr. Shirley Jackson stands with President Barack Obama before receiving the National Medal of Science, during a ceremony in the East Room of the White House on May 19, 2016, in Washington, DC.

Photo: Drew Angerer/Getty Images

A theoretical physicist, Shirley Jackson was the first black woman to graduate with a Ph.D. from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) in any field (Her Ph.D. is in Theoretical Elementary Particle Physics) and also just the second African-American woman to earn a doctorate in physics in U.S. history. 

During her tenure at what was formerly known as AT&T Bell Laboratories' Theoretical Physics Research Department in the 1970s and 1980s, she has been credited as helping develop the technology that enabled caller ID and call waiting.

President Barack Obama selected Jackson, a onetime chair of the U.S. Nuclear Regulatory Commission, to receive the National Medal of Science in 2015. She is currently serving as the president of Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, also making her the first African-American woman to lead a top-ranked research university.

Dr. Patricia Bath

 

Dr. Patricia Bath

The first female African-American medical doctor to complete an ophthalmology residency and also the first to receive a medical patent, Patricia Bath invented a laser cataract treatment device called a Laserphaco Probe in 1986. (The co-founder of the American Institute for the Prevention of Blindness patented her invention in 1988.)

Her research on health disparities between African-American patients compared to those of other races lead to the creation of a volunteer-based "community ophthalmology," offering treatment to underserved populations.

Dr. Marie M. Daly

 

Dr. Marie Daly

After receiving her B.S. and M.S. in chemistry from Queens College and New York University respectively, Marie Daly went on to complete her Ph.D. at New York City's Columbia University. Upon graduating in 1947, she earned the distinction of being the first African-American woman to receive a chemistry Ph.D. in the U.S.

Daly's groundbreaking research included studies of the effects of cholesterol on the mechanics of the heart, the effects of sugars and other nutrients on the health of arteries and the breakdown of the circulatory system as a result of advanced age or hypertension.

Annie Easley

 

Annie Easley

Photo: NASA/Interim Archives/Getty Images

Another major contributor to the U.S. Space Program, Annie Easley worked on myriad projects for NASA over the course of her 30-year careers as a mathematician and rocket scientist. Like Johnson, Vaughan and Mary Jackson, she first worked as a computer and then eventually became a programmer.

Aside from conducting studies on battery-powered vehicles, Easley also worked on shuttle launches and designed and tested a NASA nuclear reactor. She was also a "leading member of the team which developed software for the Centaur rocket stage, which laid the technological foundations for the Space Shuttle launches and launches of communication, military and weather satellites," per NASA.

Dr. Alexa Canady

 

Dr. Alexa Canady

In 1984, Alexa Canady, a cum laude graduate of the University of Michigan's medical school, became the first African-American woman to be certified by the American Board of Neurological Surgery. Canada, who also earned B.S. in zoology from the University of Michigan, would later take on the role of chief of neurosurgery at Children’s Hospital of Michigan at just 36 years old, and, while there, she specialized in congenital spinal abnormalities, hydrocephalus, trauma and brain tumors.

Source: https://www.biography.com/

As the first black president of South Africa, Nelson Mandela fought for justice. Serving from 1994-1999, he led the anti-apartheid movement and fought against institutional racism, which eventually led to him serving 27 years in prison.

Although he was a controversial figure in some circles, Mandela received several awards throughout his life including the Nobel Peace Prize, the U.S. Presidential Medal of Freedom and the Soviet Union’s Lenin peace prize. Sharing his fight with leaders from all over the world, Mandela also mingled with prominent leaders such as Fidel Castro and Bill Clinton.

Source: https://www.biography.com/

Just a head’s up that on Friday, the movie 42 comes out. It’s a biography of Jackie Robinson’s life and his utterly game-changing role in integrating baseball in America. If you know anything about this man, you’ll know that Jackie Robinson was arguably the most groundbreaking black athlete in history, and his role both on the field and off changed race relations in sports and society His legend continues today, and I’m so happy to see that his incredible story is being brought to the big screen. I know what I’ll be doing this weekend!

Source: http://www.sportsinblackandwhite.com/

When examining the advancement of the civil rights movement through sports, one must first begin with the people who made change happen. Whether it was a conscious stand or unintentional advocacy, athletes and coaches throughout the past century used their participation in sports to change the racial atmosphere in our country. They moved our nation forward into a new way of thinking, and without them we may not enjoy the relative equality we experience today. Such work was not easy, however; these figures overcame countless obstacles and underwent much suffering to emerge as the heroes they are today. Here’s a look at how they were able to accomplish this, what impact athletes had upon societal views, and why they took these stands in the first place.

Sports are a unique environment because they capture the attention of nearly the entire country. Not to mention, in the first half of the 20th century, sports provided the primary form of national entertainment because television had yet to become a fixture in the American household. Furthermore, unlike television and movies, the men and women that participate in sports are not characters or personalities; the person seen on the court or the field is the same person off of it as well. Add to this the dedicated allegiance a fan feels for their team (a sentiment amplified to a national scale in the case of a citizen cheering on their country in the Olympics), and all of a sudden the sports world becomes a dynamic atmosphere in which citizens are able to invest their time, thoughts, and emotions. This was fine as long as it resembled society- segregated and based upon the ideas of white supremacy. Indeed, sports serves as a microcosm for society, and once civil rights activists recognized this, they were able to use sports as a platform to advocate social change and equality in the entire country.

The best example of tactic is also the most well known: Branch Rickey’s “noble experiment” and the integration of the MLB by Jackie Robinson in 1947. Prior to Robinson’s MLB debut, baseball, which was America’s pastime, was divided between the dominant all-white major leagues and the lesser negro leagues. In other words, it literally resembled American society at the time. Rickey recognized the power of sports and understood that integration in baseball could be the first step toward integration in society. It was extremely difficult to accomplish, and Robinson underwent tremendous suffering and discrimination because of his ground breaking role. But, once Jackie began playing, the stadiums were packed. Whites cheered for him. The same whites who wouldn’t let a negro drink from the same water fountain were now paying money to see a black man perform on the field and represent their team.

This was an absolutely monumental breakthrough, one that could never be underestimated. Almost twenty years before the Civil Rights Act of 1964, Branch Rickey and Jackie Robinson were sowing the seeds of equality in the hearts of Americans, all under the guise of a hot bat and a few stolen bases. Without Jackie Robinson, nationwide integration doesn’t happen for at least another decade, and white’s attitudes toward blacks remains ignorant and prejudiced. But because of him, America takes one more step toward racial equality, even if it’s only on the baseball field.

Because of his role on a team in America’s most popular sport, Jackie was able to capture the hearts of Americans as a breakout athlete and racial symbol. Meanwhile, other athletes had a tremendous impact on the international stage, whether it was the Olympics or boxing championships. Take, for instance, Jesse Owens. While in Berlin, he served as a representation of American ideals of freedom, democracy, and equality competing against the Nazi ideals of racial supremacy. Because of this stand, American citizens rallied behind him, supporting their athlete from across the ocean. He wasn’t a black man; he was an American. In the end, American patriotism triumphed over discrimination, if only for a short while. Yet upon returning to the United States, Owens was once again treated in a discriminatory manner and bound by the constraints of societal segregation, thus exemplifying the hypocrisy of American attitudes and ideals at the time.

Similarly, Joe Louis was able to become an American hero on the international boxing stage, perhaps never more so than when he defeated Germany’s Max Schmeling in 1938. This boxing matchup captured the same ideals that had been present two years earlier- that of American freedom rising above the beliefs of the Nazi regime. In both cases, American citizens were able to overcome their discriminatory ideologies and view these athletes as men who represented them and their country, as  opposed to black men who should be placed below members of white society. But although they were each responsible for seismic, if fleeting, changes in American racial perceptions, I don’t believe either Owens or Louis sought to advocate racial equality through their participation in sports; rather, they each had a passion and a talent, as well as a desire to serve their country, and what emerged were two acts of American heroism that allowed citizens to step outside of their narrow mindsets of racist beliefs and look upon these two African Americans in a whole new light.

Meanwhile fellow athletes such as Althea Gibson and Fritz Pollard also had tremendous impacts in their respective sports through integration and their individual accomplishments. The more they accomplished, the more mainstream and famous an African American face became in the media, and slowly the public began to warm to these black athletes. It was a step in the right direction, although progress was slow. And as more and more African American athletes began to play professional sports, they were able to not only assimilate racial equality into the mindsets of citizens, but also challenge the fundamental ideas upon which racism was based, which is perhaps the most important influence these notable athletes had upon the civil rights movement. This is because their exceptional performance on the field and the court (examples include Jackie Robinson’s Rookie of the Year Award, Althea Gibson’s Wimbledon Championship, Jack Johnson’s heavyweight title, Wilma Rudolph’s gold medals, and more) proved that blacks were equal to whites, thus challenging the ideals of racial supremacy upon which discrimination was based. This idea- that if blacks were equal on the field, they were equal off it as well- began to infiltrate its way into society, thus beginning the subtle yet definitive shift in the American conscious and allowing civil rights activists and athletes to promote social justice in our country.

Not only did these figures begin to affect the white mindset in our country, but they also had an impact upon their fellow African Americans. Because they were willing to expose themselves to the harsh criticism and segregation of the sports world, many of these athletes became heroic figures that served as role models for blacks across the United States. In a country where few African Americans were able to achieve high profile public positions, sports provided a chance for blacks to emerge as public figures, thus inspiring the rest of the African American community to take a stand for their beliefs as well.

Later in the century, after sports had been integrated and become relatively equal, African American athletes were able to use their place in sports as a platform to speak out on racial and social inequality. This is perhaps best characterized by Muhammad Ali’s outspoken and often controversial public role, as he consistently made brash statements about social justice that gave black athletes, as well as the black community, more of a public voice. This was also exemplified by Arthur Ashe, who said, “I don’t want to be remembered for my tennis accomplishments.” Despite a stellar tennis career that earned him a place in the Tennis Hall of Fame, Ashe’s most lasting impact has been the tireless fight he waged against discrimination and inequality throughout his life. More than any other athlete, Arthur Ashe understood the power his status as a high profile athlete gave him, and as a result, he was able to advocate the social change he believed in. In the end, Arthur Ashe was able to not only revolutionize the game of tennis, which up to that point had never seen an African American male star, but the world as well.

Ultimately, black athletes were able to serve as symbols for their fellow African Americans by representing racial equality and changing the role of the African American community in the United States. It began with initial integration, particularly in professional sports, as the greatest barriers to equality fell with the trail blazing efforts of athletes such as Jackie Robinson and Althea Gibson. These athletes’ athletic performances then went on to prove to society that blacks were equal to their white counterparts, thus challenging and eventually overthrowing ideas of racial supremacy. They also familiarized the white public with the concept of aligning themselves alongside other African Americans as white fans began to unite behind the black stars of their favorite teams. Finally, athletes began to challenge societal inequalities by speaking out against discrimination and making public calls for social justice, thus changing the way African Americans were viewed both in sports and in society. Ultimately, these individual athletic figures were able to unite across decades to change the face of race relations in the United States and bring about a new atmosphere of innovation and racial equality.

Source: http://www.sportsinblackandwhite.com/

When it comes to dealing with conflict in marriage, the question is not if you will have conflict but when you will have conflict. After the “I do,” conflict is a necessary part of even healthy marriages because no two people will ever agree on everything. However, many couples begin to “undo” the “I do” because they misinterpret Proverbs 20:3 and make the colossal mistake of avoiding conflict at all cost. For many, it ends up costing them their marriage because they lack conflict resolution skills that won’t undo the “I do.”

Proverbs 20:3 “Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling.”

This scripture does not mean that you should avoid conflict in your marriage. In fact, conflict is necessary for both partners to have balance and each gets their needs met. What it does warn against is fighting, quarreling and destroying one another with strife.

So, let’s talk about avoiding conflict with an example. I want your input on this far too common marital scenario:

A couple has been married for seven years with two children (ages 2 and 5). The first three years of their marriage were the best. They were able to purchase a new home, secure or maintain employment, go on frequent dates, have fun, and keep things spicy and sexy at home.

However, year three presented some problems after their first child was born because the wife’s role in the marriage changed dramatically. Before kids, she would cook 4 nights a week. She would clean, work a full-time job and pursue her hobbies in her free time.

After having kids, however, she found herself having little to no time to pursue her hobbies. Meanwhile, her husband somehow managed to keep his. He would occasionally “help” with the children but most of the responsibility somehow fell on her. Now, she cooks, cleans, parents, works full-time and maintains her side hustle, gives the kids their baths, helps with homework, prepares their lunch, drops kids off at school/daycare, takes them to the doctor, and the list goes on and on.

It’s year 7 now, and the wife feels as if she has completely lost herself. She loves her children dearly but misses her “me time,” fun times with her friends, and feeling sexy again as a wife. They have not taken a couples only vacation since the kids were born, infrequently date, and center too much of their conversation around household business. She is extremely unhappy, bored, and overwhelmed with her day-to-day life but loves being a wife and mother.

However, she is conflicted about what to do.

Option A: Should she bring up her unhappiness to her husband so that she can get a break? If she does, it may work! Can you imagine going shopping without kids? However, what if her husband resists and it leads to a conflict? She tried saying something earlier and her husband shut her down quickly because his mother raised four kids alone after his father left and “never complained.”

Or

Option B: Should she suck it up, embrace giving up personal needs as a necessary evil of marriage and motherhood, and avoid conflict with her husband?

What would you do?

I am sure this will create spirited debate but if you are asking a professional psychologist for twenty years, I would advise the wife to pick Option A…even though it will lead to conflict. Why?

Quite simply, “Option B” is unsustainable. Both parties in a marriage need “me time” or oxygen to survive. Psalm 25:5 refers to “my cup runneth over” which can be applied to marriage. If the mom is the cup, and her cup is empty, how can she realistically be expected to pour into her husband, children, and work without neglecting herself?

Right. She can’t.

She will eventually become overwhelmed, irritable, depressed and unhappy in the marriage. She has neglected her needs for so long that it has become a way of life; one that robs her of joy and makes her long for the good times when she used to be able to have fun.

The wives who wait to speak up tend to have a high divorce rate once the kids leave for college. Other wives lose their health, put on weight (or lose too much), and let themselves go. This is a problem because the husband often complains about her appearance or even pursues outside attention because his wife is “too busy” for him. Another set of women, eventually snap and blindside their husbands with “the talk” where they reveal how unhappy they have been for years and want separation or divorce.

Tuesday, April 3, 2018: Fix Your Marriage in 2018 with this FREE ONLINE TRAINING

What should she have done? I’m glad you asked. My twenty years experience counseling couples through conflict resolution has taught me she should:

1. Talk about marital and parenting expectations up front.
2. Engage in weekly to monthly meetings to assess the “State of the Marriage” so that a bad pattern of marriage does not become a lifestyle.
3. Initiate conflict in a loving way to discuss necessary changes that will allow both husband and wife to have a fulfilling life.

Sounds good right? The thing is that a lot of professionals will often tell you what to do but neglect training you HOW to do it.

• What exactly do you say?
• What if he won’t listen?
• What if you have mom guilt about having fun away from the kids?

I get it! That’s why I want to show you HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICT IN YOUR MARRIAGE. You see, on the flip side, arguing too much can literally kill your marriage too. I want to help prevent that from happening for you.

There are many solutions for successfully resolving marital conflict. I cover this in a FREE online training I am doing April 3^rd at 9 pm on resolving conflict, specifically geared towards Christian marriages. I can record it for you too if you absolutely cannot make this date.

Here’s what happens next…check out this page to register and reserve your seat right now. We did this workshop a few months ago and the training was filled to capacity. So, register now.  You don’t have to spend another night going to bed angry.

Register here.

Here are two scriptures to prepare your mindset that deal with discussing faults, making adjustments, and setting conflict in marriage.

Ephesians 4:2 – Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.

Isaiah 1:18 – “Come now, let’s settle this,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.

BMWK, What do you think? Agree with the Doc or disagree? What would you do? Go ahead, you be the marriage expert and chime in.

By Dr. Alduan Tarrt: Dr. Alduan Tartt is a clinical psychologist with a focus on faith, mental health and relationships of all sorts (single, dating, marriage, family, sports, etc.). Dr. Tartt has a private practice and also speaks frequently at conferences, churches, organizations on improving relationships, families and mental health. Dr. Tartt also hosts radio and television shows and is a frequent guest on major media outlets. Dr. Tartt also counsels other healers and helpers (pastors, ministers, doctors, entertainers) who need to be encouraged, supported and filled up.

Source: https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/

Healthy actions during an argument help married couples during serious disagreements. If we are honest, those of us in one recognized marriage can be difficult. A couple should never lead others to believe that disagreements, inequalities, arguments, and frustration don’t exist in a lifetime commitment. Honestly speaking, sometimes, married people just don’t get along, and there’s evidence to that. There’s no need to put marriage on this pedestal where it’s a bed of roses the moment we say “I do.”

Healthy Actions During An Argument | Having A Good Talk

An Introduction To A Healthy Actions During An Argument

For some, when we disagree, there is snapping, pouting, and even screaming. With the goal being to get a point across, be understood, and occasionally be victorious, some will do whatever is necessary. However, those reactions never benefit our relationship. So, let’s discuss the healthy actions you can take to minimize the drama. The next time you quarrel with your spouse, you must stop, look, listen, and try some healthy actions instead.

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1. Make Sure It Is What You Think It Is

Get a clear understanding of the situation, and examine all of the facts prior to reacting negatively. This can happen as a result of asking clarifying questions.

2. Discuss The Situation With Your Spouse

Don’t pretend whatever it is didn’t happen. The only way to deal with an issue is to acknowledge it exists. If it hurts you, tell your spouse because, more than likely, that wasn’t the intent.

3. Question Your Initial Response First

Ask yourself, “Is what I am about to say or do reasonable, and am I possibly overreacting to the situation?”

4. Before You Respond, Start Off By Telling Your Spouse How Much You Love Him Or Her

Doing this sets the tone of the conversation and opens up both partners to have a healthy discussion.

5. If You Are Still Able To Civilly Communicate And Can Control Your Voice Levels, Take The Conversation To A New Location

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Taking a walk to the backyard, a nearby park, or a restaurant may be helpful. A change of scenery
could positively affect the mood of the situation.

6. Get Over It

Once you have decided this dispute isn’t that big of a deal, move on.

7. Be Honest About Your Contributions

Ask yourself what role you play in the problem as well as the solution.

8. Initiate The Peace By Being The Bigger Person And Apologizing First

My husband taught me this one. He would often take the lead in apologizing and making sure we got back to a happy place. Once I got over myself, I was able to do that too.

9. Look For The Lesson And Apply It

Every challenge is an opportunity to grow. Many of us miss this chance, and the cycle of confusion and conflict repeats.

Here are two scenarios of the same situation, tell me which you think would generate the best response.

“How many times have I told you to pick your socks up off the floor? Plenty! The house looks a mess, you never want to help me, and it just pisses me off! You have to clean up after yourself!”

or

“Babe, I picked your socks up off the floor in the bathroom. We have to remember our goal of keeping our home tidy, warm, and inviting. It feels good when it’s clean, don’t you think?”

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One of the conversations above will lead to a peaceful discussion or argument of the situation, while the other will immediately put your partner on the defensive. One of these is solution-focused instead of placing blame and belittling, which is the cause of a negative argument. Remember, you get more bees with honey. You must be gentle with your words, even when you’re upset or frustrated.

What other tips can you add to the list of healthy actions during an argument with your spouse? Share them in the comments section!

Marriage communication is one of the most important factors in keeping a peaceful relationship. Somewhere in the world right now, there’s a couple arguing about one of the topics I’ll discuss. And while I can’t answer any of these questions for you, effective communication in marriage and compromise are keys. To know which topics you should discuss with your spouse, read on!

Marriage Communication | What Couples Argue About

1. Can You Still Be Friends with the Opposite Sex?

Some say yes because many friendships are platonic. And, some say no because it’s a setup for infidelity or it’s disrespectful to one’s spouse. What do you think? What are the boundaries?

2. How Much Time Should You Spend with Your Single Friends?

Some will say single friends are nothing but trouble for married people because of the season they’re in and the undue influence. Others will say it doesn’t matter because friendships shouldn’t have to end once someone gets married. What’s the compromise in your mind?

3. Should You Tone Down Your Sexy?

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Some say if I work for it (or bought it), I earned the right to show off all my sexy. Others say when you become a wife or husband, you should tone it down, so as to not get that kind of attention. Y’all tell me…what do you think?

4. Are Conversations with Exes Still Okay?

Some say he or she might be an ex, but now, their relationship is strictly that of friends. Others say once you cross that line, there isn’t any un-crossing it, and being friends with your ex isn’t cool. I’m sure there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer, but I’m interested in hearing thoughts!

5. Should You Give Your Spouse Access to All Your Social Media Accounts and Passwords to Your Phone?

Some folks think being married is not synonymous with forgoing all privacy, while others say once you’re married, there’s no privacy between spouses. I’m sure you all have some opinions on this one!

6. What Time Do You Consider as Being “Disrespectful” to Come Back Home?

If you have a boys’ or girls’ night out, is there a married person’s curfew? Some say like your mother used to say that “ain’t nothing good happening after midnight in the streets!” Is there a time that coming in after gets to be “disrespectful?”

7. How Much Time Is Too Much Time with Your Boys/Girls?

One of the things that cause lots of arguments and cause marriage communication to break down is when your spouse spends too much time with his/her squad. Well, what’s too much time? What if they still spend appropriate time with you as well. Is it still an issue?

8. Can You Still Go Out of Town Without Your Spouse?

Should you be going on girls’ and guys’ trips without your spouse? Should you be going to social events out of town without your wife or husband by your side? Some say for sure, while others don’t like it. What do you think?

9. How Much Sex Should Be Expected?

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Some people say if you get married, sex should be on the table at any time, while others say it’s unreasonable to expect sex numerous times during a week because of work, kids, responsibilities, and just being tired. How come frequency of sex seems to be such a big issue?

10. Is It Okay to Have a “Work Wife” or “Work Husband?” or Is It Out of Bounds?

Is this kosher or just off limits?

11. How Much About Marital Issues Should You Share with Family or Friends?

Some people think it’s okay to vent to parents, siblings, or friends about strife going on in the marriage, while others say everything that happens in the marriage should stay between the husband and wife “only.” This one causes all kinds of arguments, so what’s the answer?

Learn more about marriage from these four male professionals in this video by BlackDoctor.org:

So, these are the 11 controversial topics that consistently come up that require effective marriage communication around the world. And although I didn’t offer up any advice about them, I think they must be discussed. My point is that issues in marriage are more universal than we think, and you aren’t in it alone. Communicating expectations is the key. Each couple may see these things differently, but the compromise will only happen through clear communication!

What other topics can you add to the list above and how would you define effective marriage communication? Share them in the comments section!

Source: https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/

I am always looking for new ways to breathe life into my marriage, and this is why I want to share with you the power of love affirmations. I believe that being comfortable in any part of your life, including your marriage, is a dangerous place to be. Stay out of the danger zone and use positive affirmations in your marriage to rekindle the love.

Love Affirmations to Keep the Fire Burning

In this article:

• Marriage Affirmations Keep Spouses from Taking Each Other for Granted
• Learning Love Affirmations from “War Room”
• Positive Affirmations Rekindle the Love
• 20 Marriage Affirmations to Elevate Your Relationship

Marriage Affirmations Keep Spouses from Taking Each Other for Granted

People who “fall out of love” don’t just stop loving each other overnight. It starts because they get comfortable and eventually, take one another for granted. I don’t ever want to look at my husband and wonder who he is or why we’re together. I want this love and the bond we have to last a lifetime. But, I know that it’s going to take unconditional love, prayer, and a powerful commitment to make it happen.

Learning Love Affirmations from “War Room”

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My husband and I recently watched the War Room, and I have to admit that I got checked; actually, we both did. This movie helped me realize that I didn’t have a prayer strategy in place for my marriage, specifically for my husband.

If you’re late to the game like we were, and you haven’t watched this movie, I highly recommend it! It’s a must-watch whether you’re married or not.

Positive Affirmations Rekindle the Love

I am big on reading, writing, and reciting affirmations. I have an affirmations app on my phone that sends me notifications of my favorite ones throughout the day. After watching the movie, I decided to get focused and create a prayer strategy for my husband and our marriage as well as some marriage affirmations. My hope is these affirmations help you as much as I know they’ll help me and my husband.

20 Marriage Affirmations to Elevate Your Relationship

1. My marriage grows stronger and more loving every single day.
2. My marriage is built on love, trust, and loyalty.
3. My spouse is so supportive and helpful and encourages me to follow my dreams.
4. {Insert name} and I are happier and more in love today than the day we were married.
5. My spouse loves me unconditionally and their love helps me to be a better person.
6. My wife/husband is a true blessing in my life and our marriage is a miracle.
7. My marriage is prayerful, powerful, and passionate.
8. My marriage is a joy and a gift from God.
9. I am loyal, devoted, and compassionate every day to {insert name}.
10. My spouse is one of my greatest blessings, and I will treat them with honor and respect.
11. My spouse is capable of becoming the person God created them to be.
12. We strive for greatness in our marriage and will not settle for anything less.
13. I enjoy falling in love with the same person over and over again as if for the first time.
14. I attracted the perfect mate who enjoys my presence and I accept him/her wholeheartedly.
15. I am faithful to my spouse and my spouse is faithful to me.
16. My marriage is built on a rock-solid foundation that will stand the test of time.
17. I love my spouse with all of my heart, mind, body, and soul.
18. I look forward to growing old with my spouse by my side.
19. My marriage is free from hurt, anger, and lack.
20. My marriage is full of abundance, love, and compassion.

Love affirmations are an often overlooked part of people’s marriages. We never truly say how much our partners mean to us; not enough, at least. Use these marriage affirmations and set aside some time with your spouse. Communicate with your spouse; talk to him about your concerns, worries, things you want to do, and things that make you happy. You will find that becoming more open with each other will only make your marriage stronger.

BMWK: What are some ways that you renew and reignite the bond you share with your spouse?

Source: https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/